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MandaM
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Name: Amanda
Country: Australia
Birthday: 12/18/1981
Gender: Female
Interests: eating candy and discussing capitalism....
Thinking and analysing
Expertise: children of the 0-8 year variety
Occupation: Other
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message me
Member Since:
6/10/2002
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| what is love? does anyone dare define, in terms of either biologically, socio culturally or philsophically, any other way would be fine too....
All i know is that it makes me happier than i have ever been and sadder than i ever imagined possible.
some times i wish i had alluded it..
"tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"
true, i am not so sure.... before love you don't know what your missing, and loosing i am yet to encounter, yet dred more than death with all my being.
4 months tomorrow............................................ | | |
| now it is March. Damien is still mine, at lest for today and i hold on to his love as best i can. I know that he loves me, he tells me every day, but i don't know what to do. I can't forsee ever wishing for the end, but on the same token can not invision a possible scenario which will work in the future. Analysing situations is ofen a trait which leads to pesimism... Perhaps i should for once let go and see where it takes me. Love is a strange, painful and wonderful thing, i can say this now from experience. Sometimes i wonder was i happier, more focussed and free before i encountered....? Right now i don't really know for sure. All i know is that i wake up thinking about him in the morning, and go to sleep thinking about him at night... Good night..... | | |
| And once again i turn to Jeff for comfort. His lyrics are all to familiar and sometimes stab, but comfort none the less.
Music.... It feeds, sooths and dramatises the issues that surround us.
I have found love, but i can't hold on to it, it just slips away from me before my very eyes. I know it will be gone, i know.... I layed in bed last night restless. So many times i stoped to appreciate what we have, saddened by its all to close end... will we ever be again?
i don't know..........
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| Tears well in my eyes, my heart feels obvious and large in my chest. I have no answers and my vision is unclear. "Why is this happening to me" a lame thought that increasingly concludes my train of thought. I feel so alone and at the same time some what smothered. I feel deep in my heart a love and attachment, in some ways dependency that i am afraid to let go of. Selfishness makes it harder, a want to keep him as mine despite the consequence for him. If you love it then set it free, if it loves you it will return, or so the saying says.... But what is love, i don't know for sure, i have never actually loved someone thus far, but do i now? this is the strongest i have felt, that is without a doubt. But is it love? at this stage i don'tknow for sure but until true love is realised i will resign to the idea that i have experienced it on some level in this instance. So much content i have detailed so quickly that i doubt it is sensical, for now i don't mind..... Good night my sweet Damien x | | |
| Damien.....
i am finding it difficult to string words together that express that way that i feel. Maybe i don't really know for sure. I know that when i am with him i don't want to be anywhere else, i know that when i am not with him that is the only place i wish i was and it is all happening so quickly that i already have anxiety about the inevitable end. One month left with this increasingly special boy, we can't talk about it, we won't talk about it, we can't talk about it... Please god help to clear my now clouded by lust mind. Manda x | | |
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